A Most Grievous Affliction
by soccerxpotterxlife
Summary: Ron has a terrible affliction of the skin, Mrs. Weasley starts to become slightly psychotic, and Ron's sexual orientation is questioned. Join your favorite Harry Potter characters in a comical story about Ron's many perils and predicaments.
1. Ron's Feminine Side

Disclaimer: I do not own anything (considering that J.K. Rowling, the most brilliant author ever, began weaving her fantastical tales before I was born). This story was however, completely inspired by her brilliant books.

Summary: Mrs. Weasley becomes extremely concerned about Ron's health when unsightly blemishes begin to appear on his skin. Hermione knows what's wrong, and informs Harry of Ron's problem. Meanwhile, Ron is being rushed to St. Mungo's by his out of control mother, and having his sexual orientation questioned by his family. Join the whole crew on a wild ride to cure Ron from what he had always thought were normal freckles. HxG and RxH

A Most Grievous Affliction

Chapter 1: Getting In Touch With Ron's Feminine Side

"Come on! Get up, Ron!" pleaded Hermione. "You know we've got to be cleaning in a half hour. Unless you don't want any breakfast, I suggest you come downstairs right _now._" She insisted. Her efforts did not go unnoticed as Ron jumped out of bed.

"Warewahevin?" He grumbled.

"Uh—pardon? I'm not sure exactly what you said there Ron, I don't speak troll." Hermione informed Ron coolly.

"What—are—we—having?" he repeated slowly and clearly.

"Oh!" She responded, "Well there're eggs, pancakes, bacon, sausages, toast, everything really." Ron bolted for the door, knocking Hermione out of the way as he did so.

"Sorry!" He called back over his shoulder. Someone shrieked suddenly and there was a loud thumping noise followed by a low groan.

"Everything alright?" Hermione asked as she rushed down the stairs. She nearly toppled over Ron as she rounded the corner on the landing. "Oh my!" she exclaimed.

"What's that you've got on your face?" Ginny asked Ron as she arrived on the next landing just below them.

"Wha--? Well, it depends on what you're talking about, Gin. See, these" he motioned to his eyes "Are eyes. And this is a _nose_." He continued to name each of his facial features including his jaw, freckles, and eyelashes.

"Okay! Well thanks for the anatomy lesson, but I think I've got that covered." Ginny exclaimed annoyed. "I was referring to that thing above your left eyebrow; that great, ugly pockmark."

"What are you on about? I'm not pockmarked. Am I?" He asked as he turned to Hermione. She covered her mouth with her hands in shock.

"Oh, Ron! I didn't realize it before, but Ginny's right, you look, er, rather pockmarked."

"It's okay though, Ron!" Ginny assured him. "We can cover that up, no problem. Don't worry."

"How are you gonna get rid of something like that? They don't just go away, you know." Ron said sulkily.

"I didn't say we could make it _go away._" Ginny said "But we can make it look like it's not _there._"

"May I ask how?" Ron said sarcastically.

"You could," she mused, "But I really think that right now it's not the best thing for you."

"Go get some breakfast, Ron." Hermione suggested "It'll make you feel better, trust me."

xxx

Ron slumped into the kitchen several minutes later and lazily sat down in the chair next to Harry.

"Ah, there he is! We were wondering where you'd got to." Mrs. Weasley joked. "What'll it be, Ron? We've got all your favorites."

"Just some toast, thanks." He told her glumly.

"Are you dieting now?" she asked, surprised. Ron had never turned down an exquisite breakfast; it was the most important meal of the day, after all. "Butter? Jam?"

"Strawberry jam is fine, mum." Ron grumbled.

She delivered the toast to Ron. "Is everything alright dear?" She asked concernedly.

"I'm fine mum."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"You're not."

"I am."

"Ron, what's that on your face?" She yelped, nearly dropping Harry's second helping of eggs.

"It's _nothing._ I've got _freckles._" He insisted. Mrs. Weasley pursed her lips and said no more, though Harry knew she had wanted to continue the conversation. Though, with Ron's mood, Harry thought it wise that the confrontation had been discontinued.

"G'morning all." Fred said as he marched into the kitchen.

"Smells lovely, mother." George added as he appeared behind his twin. The two sat directly across from Harry and Ron. Ron (unsuccessfully) attempted to hide the left side of his face.

"Urgh! What _is_ that?" inquired Fred of Ron.

"For the last time: _nothing!_ There is nothing there. End of story, all right?" He threw up his hands in exasperation and stormed upstairs, leaving his unfinished toast on the table.

George immediately seized it, and with his mouth full, managed to ask "Wasufwifim?"

"Excuse me?" Harry asked.

"He said 'what's up with him?'" responded Fred. Harry looked bewildered for a moment before recovering.

"He's got that thing on his face and everyone keeps asking him about it is my best guess. Either that or it's too early in the morning for him."

"Both are highly plausible." George agreed, swallowing his food. Fred nodded his approval of the explanation.

"You two had best finish up quickly. We have so much to do today!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "I can't believe my darling Bill is going to be married already." She added fondly. A dreamy look glazed her eyes as she reminisced.

"Mum, you had better not embarrass him or anything today. You know that's our job." George told her sternly. Harry snorted into his eggs.

"Oh, get upstairs!" she told the twins as she swatted at George. "Harry, take your time, dear."

"It's alright, I'm finished, Mrs. Weasley." She cleared his plate as he raced after the twins. Five minutes later, he arrived at Ron's bedroom. Knocking cautiously, he opened the door.

"Oh, hello Harry," Ron acknowledged his presence. "Well, we best get dressed and then get back downstairs so mum doesn't berate us for not cleaning enough." He rolled his eyes.

xxx

For nearly six hours Fred, George, Ginny, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Mrs. Weasley worked to prepare the house for the festivities. They swept, mopped, rearranged furniture, dusted, de-cluttered, and decorated. George complained that since the wedding would be taking place _outside _and the party after would only make a mess there was no need to clean the _inside _of the house. He was set extra dusting for his comments. Fred joined him in the category of people with extra chores when he stated that no one really noticed whether or not the floors were shiny or dull, as long as they were functional.

When Ginny had finished placing flower vases at even intervals along the aisle (her last chore) she helped Harry, Ron, and Hermione set out chairs for the guests. After all was completed, they tramped back inside to drink a cold glass of lemonade before proceeding up the stairs to get ready. Harry and Ron left Hermione and Ginny two landings below them and continued up to Ron's room where their clothes were laid out on their beds. They were to be dressed in muggle attire, by special request of the bride, Fleur Delacour.

"You can have the first shower, Ron." Harry told him. Ron nodded his consent and traipsed into the bathroom. The moment the water turned on, Harry ran down two flights of stairs to where Ginny and Hermione were. Ginny had taken the first shower, so Hermione was alone in the room.

"Hermione, do you know what's wrong with Ron?" he asked immediately upon entry.

"Well, it's obvious that he's got that, well, that _thing_ on his face, and from what I've read in _Rare and Odd Afflictions of the Magical World _I'd say he's got spattergroit. It's just in the early stages though, so I'm sure we could cure it before it gets any worse…" she rattled on without noticing the confused look on Harry's face. Suddenly, the look changed to one of realization.

"Hermione, didn't some bloke at St. Mungo's tell him he had that when Mr. Weasley got—erm—_bit_ in fifth year?" Harry asked excitedly.

"I don't think---oh! Yes!" She crooned "Yes! It was some old medieval wizard in a painting. Of course, how could I forget?"

"Well what's he got to do to get rid of it? He seems really down about it, which is kind of weird considering he's a guy and guys don't usually PMS or whatever, except for werewolves, you know, pre-moon syndrome…" he rattled. Hermione raised an eyebrow at this.

"Well the only _known _treatment is something that has to do with the full moon I think. I can't remember it exactly. I may have the book with me though…." She dug through her trunk furiously. "Here it is!" she said in a loud whisper moments later. "Take the liver of a toad," she read aloud "bind it tight about your throat, stand—ugh—naked at the full moon in a barrel of eels' eyes and make the call for a thestral (a whooping cry). After fifteen minutes of this, you must wade waist deep into grindylow infested water and pirouette three times. The effect is immediate: the blemishes will disappear as if they were never there." She finished, snapping the book shut. "Well that should be interesting. Of course, we should have him diagnosed for real so that he doesn't do all of this only to find out that he doesn't even have spattergroit." She stated matter of factly.

"Mmm, sounds like fun." Harry added. Ginny stepped out of the bathroom at that moment.

"Oh, uh, hi Harry" Ginny blushed embarrassedly. Things had been sufficiently awkward between them since the events at Dumbledore's funeral in June.

"Sorry! I'll just be going!" He called as he ran out of the room with his glasses covered. "Ow!" he had just run into Ron who had come down the stairs in search of Harry.

"Harry, I didn't see you there" Said Ron, stating the obvious. "Apparently you didn't see me either. You can have the shower now" he added. Harry gave him a thumbs- up from the floor as Ron hoisted him to his feet. Fifteen minutes later, Harry emerged from the shower and began to towel dry his hair. Ron was not in the room, but his clothes were gone, so Harry assumed Ron must be wearing them and was probably downstairs with the girls. He pulled on his traditional black and white tuxedo and then put his glasses on. Next he brushed his teeth and combed his hair in an attempt to make it lie flat. Failing miserably, he went down to the girls' room. The door was locked, so he knocked loudly, interrupting an awful lot of giggling that was going on in the room.

"Is Ron in there?" Harry called.

There was a great shuffling before Ginny called back "No, I think he's downstairs with my mum; probably helping her bake or something." Harry only half believed her because she and Hermione broke out in a fit of giggles again. Regaining composure, she said "so you might want to check there, maybe you can assist him in preparing the ordeurves." Harry growled in frustration.

"Look, I know he's in there, and I don't know what you three are up to, but I am of age now, so I could get away with opening this door with magic you know." There was a sharp intake of breath on the other side of the door and Harry smiled triumphantly.

"_Alohamora_" he exclaimed, and the door swung open. His eyes traveled first to the vanity that Ron was stuffed under, then to the make up that littered the floor, and finally to a guilty looking Ginny as well as Hermione. "Um, sorry if I'm interrupting something, but what's going on?" Ron crawled out from under the vanity and began to massage his shoulder. Suddenly Harry realized that Ron no longer had the pockmark above his left eyebrow. "Ron, what happened to your face?" he asked.

Ron flushed and then muttered something inaudible as Ginny tried to hide what she was holding. Harry was too quick however, and snatched it out of her hands.

"What is this?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing."

"I assure you, it's nothing."

"Ginny, what is this?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing."

"No really, it's nothing."

"Hermione?"

"Mm?"

"Don't tell me it's nothing."

"It's um, it's foundation." She finally gave in. Harry grinned.

"No really, what is it?"

"Foundation."

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is." Harry raised an eyebrow and then shrugged.

"What were you doing with it?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Oh, do _not _start this again." Ron grinned sheepishly.

"Promise you won't tell?"

"Of course, mate, you can tell me anything."

"It's make-up to cover the pockmark. Go on, that's your cue to laugh hysterically." Harry could barely hold it in any longer. He snorted and then hastily arranged his face in a pleasantly indifferent expression; difficult as it was.

"Hey, why have I never used it before? I could have used it to cover my scar as much as I want. You never told me about this? Ginny? Hermione? Thanks for that." Harry rambled. Suddenly he blushed. "Well actually, I think I'd prefer to keep any masculine traits I still possess. Sorry Ron, but I think you're a little more feminine than me now." He joked as he patted Ron on the back.

"What's this about Ron being feminine? Someone finally agreeing with us? Excellent." Fred said as he stopped right outside the door frame. Ron flushed.

"Oh, come off it. He's not _that _bad. I mean, those dress robes weren't his fault, and he's supposed to look nice for the wedding, so make-up was the only solution." Ginny said and then stopped when she noticed the look on Ron's face. His expression was stony, but his eyes were murderous. George began to laugh uncontrollably.

"Ron, are you really wearing _make-up_?"


	2. You May Kiss the Bride

Chapter 2: You May Kiss the Bride

Ron's ears turned pink as all his visible flesh blushed crimson. "So what if I am?" he countered immediately. "It's not as bad as the fact that you straighten your hair nearly everyday, or George's obsession with plucking his eyebrows." Fred blushed scarlet and George's laughter ceased. "Oh," Ron added, turning back to the twins "and don't think I haven't noticed that you've suddenly got _smooth _legs." Ron smirked triumphantly as both twins scurried up the stairs to their old room.

"That's why you've been wearing pants all the time?" they heard George ask Fred.

"Well it feels really great; cleansing actually. You should try it." Came Fred's serious response. Harry, Hermione, and Ginny all stared awestruck as Ron grinned broadly at the twins' retreating backs.

"What?" he asked innocently. Ginny threw him an odd look before all four burst out laughing. They talked for ten more minutes before Hermione suddenly glanced anxiously at her watch and then ushered the boys out of the room so they could get ready.

xxx

"Everyone get down here!" Mrs. Weasley called up the stairs an hour later. Harry, Ron, Fred, and George all trudged down the stairs. They sat at the kitchen table for several minutes in uncomfortable silence (Ron, Fred, and George were all determinedly avoiding each other's eyes). Harry noticed that the kitchen and sitting room both seemed to have been magically extended to allow room for more guests. He grinned slightly at this; he always enjoyed any signs of magic.

"Oh, finally. Splendid." Mrs. Weasley crooned from the bottom of the stairs. The boys all looked up, grateful for a distraction. Four sets of eyes popped and four jaws dropped in unison as Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley descended the stairs gracefully, coming to rest in the archway leading into the kitchen. Mrs. Weasley beamed and then bustled outside to the back garden where the guests would be Apparating. Fred and George, as ushers, followed suit.

The remaining foursome turned back to one another. Ginny and Hermione stood expectantly while the boys stared transfixed. Ron was eyeing Hermione's baby yellow dress. It fell just above her knees and had a very swingy skirt. Her babydoll sleeves were extremely feminine and innocent with the slightest lift as they rested on the tips of her shoulders. Gentle curls framed her face and her bangs were swept to the side and fastened with a hair clip adorned with precious pearls; her hair was slightly raised in the back. Ron goggled at her white high heels in amazement (_how could someone __walk__ in those?_).

Harry, however, had eyes for no one but Ginny. As a bridesmaid, her attire was much more formal than Hermione's. She wore a full length gown that was pale gold and sleeveless. It had a heart shaped neckline and an empire waist; the skirt was gathered together to create a ripple effect when she walked. Much of her back was revealed because the cloth formed a bow tie shape that reached from her upper back to her hips. This left two large triangles of bare flesh on her upper and lower back. There was also a bow where the two triangles met. The velvet band that formed the empire waist was a deeper gold and was embellished with intricate golden embroidery. Ginny's hair was curled tightly and fastened in the back with a clump of pearls (how she had managed to get them, Harry had no idea).

"Wow—Hermione—Ginny—you look…wow." Ron managed to stammer.

"Yeah, what he said." Harry added dreamily as he gazed longingly into Ginny's eyes. Ginny unwillingly blushed under his intense gaze and hastily tore her eyes from his.

"Oh, come off it you two!" Hermione scolded appreciatively.

"Oi!" Ginny added as she snapped her fingers in front of their eyes, pulling each from their trances. Ron offered Hermione his arm and, blushing slightly, she took it. Harry did the same to Ginny. She, however, raised her eyebrow questioningly before entwining her arm with his.

"Whipped, really whipped, you two are." Charlie Weasley said as he marched into the room, looking very handsome in his new tuxedo. He was to be the best man. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny all blushed furiously at this, but turned away a moment later and walked out the back door. At the small tent where members of the procession were to wait, Harry and Hermione left Ginny and Ron. Ron was to be Ginny's escort down the aisle. They waved goodbye as Harry and Hermione walked away to find seats. Sitting in the front row, they had a wonderful view of everything going on. While all the guests got settled, they took the opportunity to discuss what to do about Ron's supposed skin affliction.

"Well I think we should at least wait until after the reception so he can enjoy the festivities completely before we drop anything too heavily on him." Hermione suggested. Harry nodded.

"We should ask Mrs. Weasley to arrange an appointment for him at St. Mungo's." he added. They decided they would tell Mrs. Weasley the next morning before Ron was awake so she could find time to take him to the wizarding hospital. At breakfast, Ron would discover his plans for the day included the examination and would be grateful that he didn't have to ask to be taken there himself. Harry and Hermione's conversation was cut short by a growing unearthly sound Harry had only heard a few times before. He recognized it immediately as phoenix song. It was a beautiful addition to the wedding, he mused. Phoenix song soothed all nerves and was a beacon of hope that seemed to make the marriage seem right and lasting; meant to be. The procession began with the music; first down the aisle was Fred and George, looking dashing and grinning broadly at Bill who was already stationed next to the priest. Next Fleur's little sister, Gabrielle, glided down the aisle gracefully accompanied by someone Harry didn't know. She was stunning in the same dress Ginny wore. After them—Harry's stomach flipped uncontrollably—Ginny (carrying a bouquet of white roses) and Ron proceeded down the aisle past rows and rows of smiling guests. Harry and Hermione both smiled at them happily. Next—though Harry hardly noticed them—a beautiful brunette with curly hair, who Harry could only assume was Fleur's best friend, walked slowly past them accompanied by Charlie Weasley. A little girl followed, skipping happily along as she spun and tossed white rose petals to the ground. Finally, Fleur emerged with a tall, slender man who had dark brown hair and spectacles. There was a sharp intake of breath from Bill as he glimpsed Fleur. She looked heavenly draped completely in white; her silvery tresses cascading down her back and over her shoulders.

"Dearly beloved," the elderly priest began "we are gathered here today…" the wedding was picturesque in every possible way; completely perfect even though elsewhere in the world Lord Voldemort was plotting death and torture. "You may kiss the bride." He finished spectacularly. Bill grinned and turned to Fleur happily. He wrapped his arm around her waist and then dipped her low, pulling her into a sweet kiss. The congregation applauded and several people laughed heartily. Tears streamed down Mrs. Weasley's face, yet she smiled through them and pulled Harry and Hermione into a hug. Both were extremely surprised by the sudden motion of being yanked away from their previous positions, and unfortunately for Hermione, she ended up with Harry's left elbow stuck in the crook of her neck. Wincing in pain, she pulled out.

"Ouch, sorry about that Hermione," Harry apologized as he rubbed the side of his head that had collided with Mrs. Weasley's shoulder. Hermione waved it off as she continued to massage her sore neck.

Ron joined them a moment later. "You all right?" he asked. They both nodded. "Well that was interesting; a good finale, I must say. I knew Bill had it in him." He joked.

They all laughed before walking over to the trellis that had been conjured for wedding pictures.

"'Ermione, 'arry—you must both be in ze pictures with us!" Fleur exclaimed and for the second time in minutes, they were pulled away. For over an hour the photographer arranged and rearranged the Weasley and Delacour families as well as Hermione, Harry, Fleur's friend, the flower girl, and the boy who had accompanied Gabrielle down the aisle (Harry discovered later that they were cousins). Finally, everyone was allowed to leave except for Bill and Fleur who were to stay behind for a few more shots.

They chattered incessantly all the way up to the house and eventually arrived in the kitchen where the buffet was already set up with a wide assortment of appetizers. On every table throughout the main floor of the house, there sat a small tray of ordeurves available. For the first hour or so people just socialized and nibbled on the delicate treats. Ginny was forced to walk amongst the guests and offer champagne or butterbeer. When she had finished, Bill and Fleur arrived in the room. The guests parted, leaving a pathway for them to the dance floor; gracefully arriving on the floor, Bill spun Fleur around in a circle, her delicate dress swishing along the tile. He dipped her again before pulling her up and tucking her body close to his. They began a slow dance; lost in their own world until the music ended and everyone clapped appreciatively before rushing out on the dance floor with their partners. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny hung back. A moment later, Ron and Hermione had joined the happy couples, blushing furiously; leaving Harry and Ginny standing awkwardly side by side.

"Erm—Ginny, do you want to dance?" Harry asked. Ginny just nodded and pulled him out on the floor where a fast song was playing. They danced somewhat wildly for awhile just like old friends. Ginny flashed him a grin as the song ended and he spun her out and then back in. Several couples left the floor as the next song began, but were replaced by new pairs of dancers. It was a very energetic tune, and Mrs. Weasley laughed as Mr. Weasley spun her away from him.

"We danced to this at _our_ wedding!" She exclaimed happily.

Through what seemed an endless amount of songs, everyone danced and laughed. The upbeat songs were soon replaced by slower rhythms that caused large amounts of people to leave the floor, including Ron and Hermione (both still blushing lightly). Ron made a beeline for the buffet as Hermione engaged herself in deep conversation with Mr. Weasley who was suddenly extremely curious about muggle radio stations and how they differed from the wizarding wireless networks. Ginny led Harry away from the floor and into the kitchen where there was less of a crowd.

Turning to face him, she said "Harry, I want to fight with you."

"Uh—what?" he asked, slightly taken aback.

"I want to fight Voldemort with you." She clarified quickly.

"Oh, Gin, come on. We talked about this. I just don't want to have to go to your funeral and know it's my fault."

"I don't care, god, why can't you understand that? I know both of us are completely miserable. Ron's told me you don't talk much anymore and you're sulking around. We've been avoiding each other and I hate it. Dumbledore" there was a sharp intake of breath from Harry "always said the world could use a little more love. Voldemort doesn't understand love and you know that Harry. It's the only way to fight him. He won't get to me; I'm stronger than I was last time. Lupin's been teaching me Occlumency so I can block him out. Please, Harry." She finished. He looked past her and out the window, deep in thought. Ginny was right; they were both miserable, Voldemort didn't understand love, and if she really could block him out then she was much better off than she was at age eleven. Looking into her hazel eyes, he saw a deep determination and fiery passion burning bright; he nodded. She grinned and they spent the next half hour simply enjoying each other's company and eating finger sandwiches.

At seven thirty Mrs. Weasley announced that dinner was served. Everyone rushed to the dining room which, upon entry, Harry realized had assumed the size of the Great Hall at Hogwarts. There was much room to spare when everyone seated them selves at small circular tables for four. Harry and Ginny joined Ron and Hermione who had already reserved a table for them.

"Why are there so many open seats?" Harry asked.

"I don't know," Hermione replied. "That's odd."

"It looks as though we're expecting more people." Ginny added.

Ron nodded thoughtfully "I think Charlie did mention some sort of surprise. I wonder what it is though…." They left their conversation at that as they had no more to discuss on the matter based on such a limited supply of information.

"Are you—?" but Ginny was cut off by the arrival of the soup and salad.

"Oh, good. Finally." Ron moaned in delight as he tucked into his minestrone soup.

Ten minutes later, the first course was whisked away to be replaced by the main dishes. It was all just like a Hogwarts feast except the new dishes were carried over by a clearly frazzled and slightly irritable Mrs. Weasley, with the help of nearly three dozen relatives and friends. The main course happened to include bouillabaisse and several other French dishes that, when Ron tasted them, he fell in love with instantly for reasons unknown.

None too soon, the pudding arrived and guests all around the room dug voraciously into it as though they had been deprived of such generous amounts of food for decades. As Harry looked around the room he realized how happy everyone looked even though there was so much wrong in the world and in their lives. It was a perfect wedding in his opinion, and it was just the experience he needed to prepare himself for what was to come.

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A/N: if you want to see what I envisioned Fleur's wedding dress to be, copy this address. It should work, but I don't know. Please review. I haven't gotten any and I really need to know if people actually like the story if I'm doing a good job or something. Thanks.


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